Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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