I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
