When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
