I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
