I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
