mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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