its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
