Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
