You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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