just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
