Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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