Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
