It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
