he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
