I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
