Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
