lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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