Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
