is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
