for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
