Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
