Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
