I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
