I'm eating all of the evidence.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
