I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
