I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
