Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
