it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
