can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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