tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
