She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
