why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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