My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
last night I used snow as a chaser
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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