I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i need some magic done to my vagina
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
