So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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