I feel great
I just peed on a car
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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