I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
These tits shall not be calmed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
