Tell her she can't have a vagina
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
