I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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