He disabled his match.com account in front of me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
