so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am available for nakedness
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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