I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
