No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
