two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
