i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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