I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
even my farts smell like vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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