I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
