my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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