why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
