oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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