Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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