There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
